sunset in the south end

the back of the house... "hall hotel" - and egc to the right

Tremont St.

art is always around the corner... sometimes it is in places least expected. take notice. enjoy.

musings...

I want to write more - I need to - to spread awareness, to process, to share. I'm just having trouble finding the words... the right way to untangle all that is swirling around in my brain... but I'll attempt...

obviously the issue of slavery is first to jump into my mind when i try to process... i'm thinking about the issue in some way, seemingly always. I am realizing - when someone asks me what i'm doing now after college, I can't even help but share about the issue of human trafficking - because that IS what i am doing and focusing on. I feel bad though sometimes, because people are not expecting it, and often have never heard about it - and it just changes the mood ... but then, really it is merely taking away the layer of "everything is fine" from our outlook on our world and our place in it... sometimes it takes that splash of cold water - to get our perspective back on things that matter. (but there are moments i feel bad being the bearer of cold water ...and there are moments i'm most happy to)

Human Trafficking - Slavery - Child Sexual Exploitation - Prostitution - Domestic House Servants - Labour Trafficking - Debt Bondage - Sex Trafficking - Child Soldiers... all names of this attrocity - capturing, buying and selling - coersion, oppression, rape, dehuminization - stripping away every scrapp of dignity and sense of self worth - telling lies, forcing druggs, capturing, tricking, tempting... the games are evil and sick, and happen far too often! young children, girls and women and men too... are undergoing a living hell... right here, right now, as we are sitting in front of our computers.
We talk about the importance of education, awareness, research, data collection, legislation, trainings... and yes, we need all of that -but what about the victims? how much longer are they going to be stuck? trapped in this, the "land of the free" ?! we can't lose sight of their stories, their struggles, their pain.
that feels overwhelming - yet it is necessary.

I'm learning the universal shortcomings of humans... even in the midst of helping combat an issue like human trafficking, people get caught up in their own agendas - their own dislikes, and steryotyping judgements of others. We are trying to work together - to bring the community together around this issue, and yet there are people here who say "she just ruffles my feathers" or " i don't like working with them" ... it has been called a "political game" like "hearding cats" - trying to network with the law enforcement, and the social services, the students, churches... trying to set up housing, and support for victims. I don't really see it as that bad - at least not yet. Perhaps its just because i'm new on the scene. But, i do see many challenges - I think a huge thing we need is a big picture - a plann as we move a head - some common goal that we aim towards, and get on similar footing with others. Also, it helps everyone to keep moving forward, and not backslide. We need to set goals, and then reach them, and set new goals.
Boston has a very advanced task force - which has been trying to do this networking already - perhaps more from the top down aproach. Lacking the grassroots student and faith based communities -but now those peices are being added. The task force meetings need to be productive. They need to have clear concise agendas, and get things moving. Karen is seen as the "matriarch" of the situation here in Boston - yet, she has been sholdering way too much over the last five years. She is going to burn out! We all need to figure out a way to share the burdans, and have the Task force spread out responsibilities -I'm dreaming up an idea for something, might be called the "Task Force Community Support Network" - or something like that. And we can help to regulate/coordinate volunteers and awareness/trainings/funding... because right now Karen is doing most of that - and that is just too much, on top of everything else she has going on.

There are already some good networks going between the social services - such as the TVOS network, and the SEEN coalition - and the Asian Taskforce against DV. Then there are random groups and NGOs who are doing work with the issue of trafficking, including IIB. The social serves are needed for a variety of things - and we all need to be talking and working together to provide this - Housing, leagal advocacy and help with visas, and all kinds of things. Also trauma care/ counsiling, and reintegration - job alternatives, training, and maybe english classes, if they rae internationals staying - or helping them return home - if it is safe for them to do so.

The students, churches, and other community members are also incredibly important though - awareness, and education - for prevention of the problem - also academic knowlede and study of the issue - and data collection.

there's a bit of the picture...

enough

is it enough for me to just be? to let go of the need for all the structure - knowing what I'm doing - even in the next month... I need to get a job, but really, what amazing opportunities am I at risk of missing out on, because I'm not taking advantage of today - of the time I have now?
I am not able to control my own way, and I think that is what I'm learning right now. I need to give that up, and not be so focused on my ideas of what my life should look like - or grand ideas of helping the world- making a huge difference for people in poverty or slavery - It is not about me, or any of that really... it is about something even bigger! And a hope. a story of a cross, an old rugged cross... pain, suffering, death - and then resurrection! So whether I'm helping free slaves, or merely researching the issue, and connecting with service providers, my life and actions matter in light of that story.
I think God has something planned - something huge- for my life, but I can't get so wrapped up in it, that I miss the now. I miss the actions and steps I'm supposed to be taking today because I'm trying to figure out next summer, and feeling overwhelmed and scared about the whole thing.
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough trouble of its own!"
right. I need to remember that. Worrying doesn't help. I do not want to live in fear - afraid to step out on a limb, just because I don't know all the answers (aka 'limb')... that is not who I want to be.
So, Jesus' story is enough - it must be enough - for I am not able to do anything on my own - it really turns meaningless, and overwhelming.

life in the south end

I don't know how to rotate this picture... but here are some pictures of the house

living here in the South End of Boston has been an adventure - taking the T and learning the buss routes - meeting the neighbors, and tramping through the ice and snow.

Friends and meetings, and connections - learning about the world of NGOs and community organizations - it is all about relationships and the network of who you know... it is amazing to watch the web unfold.
It can be overwhelming to realize how little I know, or have to offer this community... yet, it is not about me, or even about the broad issues - it is about that one woman who is sitting in her room without the freedom to leave - unable to speak the language, and feeling utterly stuck. She is here in Boston - right down the street - and perhaps she is praying that someone out there will find her, and pull her out of this nightmare.
I want to find her, yet I'm not sure how. that's what I'm learning. and more...

is it falling?

you know, sometimes it just feels like the world is falling to pieces - there is a crack there, a crumble here, and avalanche over there... and I don't know where to run to catch the drips - what piece to hold back up -there is so much! darkness is spreading - under a thin mask of "normal" there is such evil and treachery - corruption - greed - pride... the list goes on, and what is scary, is that we all are a part of it. It is in us all. How do we fight it if we are in it?
isn't that the power of Jesus? the all powerful I AM came to rescue. to break through this darkness... in ways we don't always notice, or imagine... he is at work now right? the kingdom is here.
it still can feel overwhelming
I was told by a woman I met at a vigil for Gaza in the commons a few days ago, that she had heard some words of wisdom from her professor in College,

" Get it into your head that you can't fix it - you won't change the world - then the little things you do accomplish will mean something, and you won't loose heart"

In a way i can see the wisdom of that statement - if you are coming at it from the perspective that there is no ultimate hope - no victory of "good" over "evil" in the end... it is just left up to us, day by day, death happens, injustice will continue, and you help where your limited selves can help and be happy with it.
but there IS a different end to the story, if what Jesus said is true- there will be a victory of good - of holiness - of righteousness. And our 'small' efforts now are a part of bringing that about. No, I cannot hold this world together - not on my own, or with the best team of people possible - but whatever I do "for the least of these" is another piece of the new order of things

so with that, i don't have to be worried about running around to all the cracks I see - I can trust that where I am, I will do my best to patch - and who knows where that will lead - maybe a changed world.

another beginning in the midst

Boston - a city of history, tourists, commerce, students, the Irish, the Italians, the rest of the World, snowy winters, parks, buses, traffic, tunnels, the Red Sox, the homeless, the broken, the hungry, the poor, the abused, the oppressed, the enslaved ... will it be a city of the loving? the caring? the healing? the peacemaker? the giver of food and clothes, but more than just that? will it be a city, can it be a city, where those who claim to follow Jesus really do? start to live the way he lived, and share his love in ways unmistakably greater than anything human!?

Come on brothers and sisters - lets open our eyes, to our own brokenness and our need for grace - and in humility turn to those around us who also are broken and love - really LOVE them.

I embark on a new chapter of adventure - living here in Boston, beginnging an internship with the International Institue of Boston - focusing on human trafficking, working at a bakery (maybe?) and volunteering with EGC and starlight ministries (with the homeless community)... living, loving, seeking beauty in the midst of darkness - I am thankful for so much - I am overwhlemed by so much - I know I cannot do this on my own, in any way that woud be truely beneficial. Where is the balance found of what to invest in fully, and what to say no to?
As I have been learning, positive self-sacrifice involves me caring for myself as well... and being strong in my authentic, real self - as a tool through wich Jesus brings about a piece of his Kingdom.
just a small piece. that is all I am.
James 4:13-17

to seek his face

With all the questioning, I realize there are some things that remain true- that there are absolutes - or One absolute Truth - a creator, sustainor, judge, savior, lover, father, God. And without this rock "that is higher than I" as David wrote in pslam 61, the questions would really prove meaningless. Yes, we don't have to always find the answer, but I know there is one who does know the answer, and in that there is hope.
a few weeks after I got back from Egypt I wrote these following thoughts out - trying to wrestle through the meaning Christ gives to our lives.

"Reading about those problems, and the continued crisis in Gaza – I feel a strange connection, yet I feel so distant – I almost want to get back over there – but what would I do? Just to be engaged in the discussion… the hopelessness? I'm sure there is something. As a westerner, an American, a Christian, a woman… the cards seem stacked against me – but I want to serve, to help, to love…
I want to wrestle through the questions, but I don't.
I want to try and help other people understand a glimpse of what I've seen… but I don't.
I'm tired. Tired of … I don't know what. I know it is only the love of Jesus – the radical counter-cultural love of Jesus – that will give any kind of hope or strength to push through. I need to commit to time with him – with seeking him – every day. How can I follow this radical path, if I do not know Him? I'm not sure, and I wonder why I try.
We are nothing, and can get nowhere without his spirit – the Power of God has been placed in us! We have a power greater than the power of this world. And what do we do with this power? We tend to hide it- why? Are we ashamed? The sad, sad, truth of that split between justice seekers, and religion. That is not a work of Christ – that is the genius of satan. He divides – he lies – and he gets us to focus on one side or the other – fighting amongst ourselves – and the house will fall.
So why am I so frustrated? Because I see this divide – I see the lack of understanding on the side of rich, white, suburban Christians – living their "Good" lives, obeying the "law" – no swearing, no lying, no stealing… perhaps legitimately desiring to walk closer with God- who am I to judge?!?! Yet… isn't there something missing? Something along the lines of Jesus' message of living radically? Of loving radically? Of giving everything up to follow him? Seeing the greater pain in the world – and doing something about it.
If we are called to give everything up to follow Christ, what does it meant to be trying to help others gain "things"? to try and help people step up in this capitalist economy… that is no end in itself… it will never bring satisfaction. Perhaps his message will be clearest heard on the streets… but does that mean we don't help them get jobs, and get a house? God can reach the broken, yet he is also the healer. He uses the brokenness, but it is not left broken.
A God of beauty. not of waste
A God of the broken. A God of healing.
A God of the poor. A God of the rich. (?!)
What does wealth mean? Not only money –
A God of Love. A God of Justice.
I'm not sure what it means to hold all of this together… as ONE… but somehow that is God… and so much more.
What does it mean to seek Christ's face?
I want to figure that out. "